Friday, April 30, 2010
Sunday, April 25, 2010
things happening...
God answers our prayers..The ones that come deep within the pit of our souls, the ones the hurt the most, but the ones that we know we need. This past week has been one of the hardest for me. today, i surrender my life and heart to God, despite questions. It is the hardest thing right now, is just moving on, accepting what has happened, and let go. Im sure it will take a while to get over.. I am also praying that i can pull my grades up. Finals are right around the corner, but now im sick, which doesnt help at all..
Out of this week, if there is anything that i have learned, is that God is always first, and that i have to trust Him with everything, including my future husband. I expect my husband to be godly and love people, not himself in a selfish way. We will get a long, and we will be so happy together, we will fit perfectly. I pray that God heals me in the meantime before i meet this special person. I pray i do not make another mistake, and do not get hurt again. I pray God holds my heart, and He will work it out.
On a better note,
I had my very FIRST GIG yesterday at gross tete baptist church. Gig as in, i got paid! it was so awesome...i remember just wanting to get it over with because i was so nervous. It was a womens conference filled with a lot of older women and i thought they wouldnt respond very well. But goodness!! they SURE DID! they loved it. it is just scarey because they really havent listened to a full band, just a piano. Nic Miller, Jordan DeWitt, Jesse Magee, and Andy Belgard played for me, and it was awesome. Im so glad Julie Bayham allowed me to come and do this opportunity!
Out of this week, if there is anything that i have learned, is that God is always first, and that i have to trust Him with everything, including my future husband. I expect my husband to be godly and love people, not himself in a selfish way. We will get a long, and we will be so happy together, we will fit perfectly. I pray that God heals me in the meantime before i meet this special person. I pray i do not make another mistake, and do not get hurt again. I pray God holds my heart, and He will work it out.
On a better note,
I had my very FIRST GIG yesterday at gross tete baptist church. Gig as in, i got paid! it was so awesome...i remember just wanting to get it over with because i was so nervous. It was a womens conference filled with a lot of older women and i thought they wouldnt respond very well. But goodness!! they SURE DID! they loved it. it is just scarey because they really havent listened to a full band, just a piano. Nic Miller, Jordan DeWitt, Jesse Magee, and Andy Belgard played for me, and it was awesome. Im so glad Julie Bayham allowed me to come and do this opportunity!
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Monday, February 15, 2010
Valentines Day
I had an amazing zing time with jonathan for valentines day. I am just so deeply in love with him and am so thankful God put him in my life. Yesterday was just a night i will never forget, it was so awesome. I woke up to find a giant teddy bear and guitar hero (world tour) in my car, and sticky notes on my steering wheel. It was the perfect thing to wake up to before i went to church! Then he came over and gave me the most beautiful pink roses and a card surprising me to going to tsnami's. AWESOME! he even made me a "Rachel love" cd to listen to on the way to lafeyette. It was so romantic...he looked so amazing. He had this mysterious look in his eyes that made me melt. i cant stop thinking about it and how i feel. then we went to his house afterwards and watched the movie "Paul Blart Mall Cop", it was our first movie date one year ago on valentines day! I pray that this is who God has for me, that its not just something, because after last night, my heart melted forever! lol. i am trusting God and so thankful...even though life is still really confusing right now, i know He will work it out. He always has...despite any circumstance in my life, EVERYTHING has worked out good for me. I thank God for how awsesome He is in my life, i pray that He would consume me from the inside out. I pray my love will grow deeper and deeper for him!
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Passion 2010
Well, i just got back from the Passion Conference 2010. It was truly an amazing experience. I pray that God will continue to work in my life as He always is and that this passionate fire does not go out.
I am struggling tonight, just in the aspect that it is hard going back into the real world. It felt so encouraging to be surrounded by real love and Christ-like people, and then you come back home, and it hits you with a ton of bricks. I didnt realize it would be this hard. Im still struggling in a few things in my life, but my heart feels so much different. I was awakened to Gods glory this weekend and how much He is completely centered in everything. It was really hard for me to understand, but i am so thankful that i now am grasping it. Everything was created for God and in Him. That means my life is not about....myself........but about God and bringing glory to His name. That means that everything I DO, must and will reflect Christ in me, because He is in me, and He is changing me into the image of His son. I believe i found one of mystery's of God this weekend that many will never understand. I want to be a light in the word, inspite of anguish and suffering like Paul went through, i want that. i want to be put in the pit. Jesus was so giving and loving because He is God. Though He was part human, He was and is also God. Paul obviously struggled a lot more because he was full human. And that is where we are all now today. In Pauls shoes, battling the flesh, but conquering sin through Jesus. He lived a life of selflessness and He would even trade his soul for others to go to heaven........that is so...selfless. i could never do that. ever. ever. ever. I do NOT EVER want to be separated from Jesus my King.
God did a lot in my life, and now that i am awakened to a new life, i am ready to share His love to everyone. My goal is to have these words stuck in my soul, to be these things, so that when i die, i will have fulfilled it.
Loving, Selfless, giving, forgiving, confident in Christ, joyful, bold, pure, and a woman with integrity.
I am struggling tonight, just in the aspect that it is hard going back into the real world. It felt so encouraging to be surrounded by real love and Christ-like people, and then you come back home, and it hits you with a ton of bricks. I didnt realize it would be this hard. Im still struggling in a few things in my life, but my heart feels so much different. I was awakened to Gods glory this weekend and how much He is completely centered in everything. It was really hard for me to understand, but i am so thankful that i now am grasping it. Everything was created for God and in Him. That means my life is not about....myself........but about God and bringing glory to His name. That means that everything I DO, must and will reflect Christ in me, because He is in me, and He is changing me into the image of His son. I believe i found one of mystery's of God this weekend that many will never understand. I want to be a light in the word, inspite of anguish and suffering like Paul went through, i want that. i want to be put in the pit. Jesus was so giving and loving because He is God. Though He was part human, He was and is also God. Paul obviously struggled a lot more because he was full human. And that is where we are all now today. In Pauls shoes, battling the flesh, but conquering sin through Jesus. He lived a life of selflessness and He would even trade his soul for others to go to heaven........that is so...selfless. i could never do that. ever. ever. ever. I do NOT EVER want to be separated from Jesus my King.
God did a lot in my life, and now that i am awakened to a new life, i am ready to share His love to everyone. My goal is to have these words stuck in my soul, to be these things, so that when i die, i will have fulfilled it.
Loving, Selfless, giving, forgiving, confident in Christ, joyful, bold, pure, and a woman with integrity.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Christmas time
It is currently 2:10 am on Christmas Eve and i am NOT sleeping like i should be. I dont know if its the excitement that Christmas is almost here, or the fact that i just cant sleep. i guess its both. :), i kind of enjoy staying up and thinking about life and nothing at the same time, but worried because tomorrow is going to be a long, but very fun day indeed. Tomorrows agenda consists of me waking up earlier than usual and taking a shower, finding a nice outfit, and going to jonathans house to go to Addis for Christmas eve service that we are singing at. I am pretty excited, to because i get to spend Christmas eve with him and his family. we are exchanging gifts after the christmas eve service and eating fried fish!! yummy! i keep thinking that he wont like my present, but oh well. I got him this book called :Mere Christianity: and i also got his season 5 of House. atleast i know i will like that present, haha. but anyway. Life is good, im enjoying this nice break from school.
Passion conference in Georgia is less than 2 weeks away...im so excited!!! so many christian artists i love will be there, such as Hillsong United, Fee, Charlie Hall, Kristian Stanfill, David Crowder, and etc. God is really going to move! Pastor Terry gave me some money to buy merch and food on the way over there, so that was a blessing.
A few weeks ago, we had to put bonnie down. It was so sad, and it was really hard for me to deal with, esp during finals week. i really thought i had it all together when it all just sort of hit me and i cried for about 3 days. I miss her a lot, but i know that she would have been hurting. I hope there is a dog heaven out there, i really want to believe there is, but i dont know. It seems like a childish thing to think and wish for, but i really hope there is. I think pets are gifts from God, they give so much joy to our lives.
Well, im trying to live each day, day by day and not think about the future as much. Sometimes it is really hard not to though. I ask God to give me patience is certain areas of my life, and as a young woman, its something that i have to fight for all of the time. Every girl wants that dream, and i dont want to get ahead of the ball game. Ive always wanted to get married young, but i know thats not what God wants for me right now, everything isnt right right now. I just keep praying for patience and He is giving it to me. I am so thankful for a loving God. right now, i am happy just being with jonthan and pursuing God in everything that He is. He is so good to me.
Passion conference in Georgia is less than 2 weeks away...im so excited!!! so many christian artists i love will be there, such as Hillsong United, Fee, Charlie Hall, Kristian Stanfill, David Crowder, and etc. God is really going to move! Pastor Terry gave me some money to buy merch and food on the way over there, so that was a blessing.
A few weeks ago, we had to put bonnie down. It was so sad, and it was really hard for me to deal with, esp during finals week. i really thought i had it all together when it all just sort of hit me and i cried for about 3 days. I miss her a lot, but i know that she would have been hurting. I hope there is a dog heaven out there, i really want to believe there is, but i dont know. It seems like a childish thing to think and wish for, but i really hope there is. I think pets are gifts from God, they give so much joy to our lives.
Well, im trying to live each day, day by day and not think about the future as much. Sometimes it is really hard not to though. I ask God to give me patience is certain areas of my life, and as a young woman, its something that i have to fight for all of the time. Every girl wants that dream, and i dont want to get ahead of the ball game. Ive always wanted to get married young, but i know thats not what God wants for me right now, everything isnt right right now. I just keep praying for patience and He is giving it to me. I am so thankful for a loving God. right now, i am happy just being with jonthan and pursuing God in everything that He is. He is so good to me.
Friday, November 27, 2009
So tired..
Im not doing too good today....everything in my life seems so out of order, and I cant find peace. im trying to fight it off, but i cant. there seems to be no escape. right now, i am in the pit, and i want out. Right now, all i want is to talk to someone i really care about, but no, i cant even do that. im so confused about so much stuff. i cant make sense out of anything. God please help me! I know God is my shield, He is literally the only one i trust right now. everyone else just fails me, over, and over again. well not everyone, but just a few. i tired of being hurt, i just want rest. God gives rest to those who are weary. I know my God will bring me through, He always does. I pray that He would set me in the right direction..im so tired of fighting, i just want to give up.
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