Im so in love with Jesus. He is my Savior, my Everything, My healer. I just want to testify about how amazing He is. He is the one i put my trust in the most, and i cant even see Him. Although life and the future seems unreal and impossible, My heart and spirit say everything is in control, and i know that is Gods spirit living in me. My flesh wants logic and my spirit yearns for patience and trust. I desire to become like my Jesus that i may glorify Him to bring others to Him. He deserves my life, my all.
Monday, September 21, 2009
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Rollercoaster
I have a lot on my mind at the moment. I hate how us girls have to deal with being an emotional rollercoaster all the time while the guys just lay back and relax. i wish for once i wouldnt freak out about everything. I am content and yet in some ways im nervous and scared. Scared about the future in all aspects, but excited in the next. I have figured out today and many times before that i am the girl that constantly needs to be reassured. Its sad, but true. Maybe its because of the events taken place in my life, but without that reassurance, i feel like everything has changed. God is ultimately the only one who reassures me that everything is going to be ok. i need to hear that from a person though, right now, at this moment. but, i hold my feelings in once again and just type it out, it usually helps. I hate having feeling of doubt and whatnot, and i know thats the devil trying to drag me down.
God is faithful, God is good, He is always good. His love endures forever, and He will never leave me. On a good note, I really got broken last night after i left jonathans house last night. I dont know why, but i just began to cry on the way home. A hunger inside of me has been building up to just cry and pray before the Lord and seek His face. i did last night, and it felt so good. I just want to please my Father so bad, it would break me to know i wasnt doing what He wanted me to do. I prayed for answers and an open door. There are so many things that are hidden away that only God can see, and He knows im relying on Him to make it all work out. I prayed for an open door and grace, and He gave it to me the next morning. I cant really say right now, but the whole day at work i was expecting something to happen, an open door to arrive, and well, it did.
I didnt realize it until after i got home though, it just sort of hit me. I love it when that happens.
but yeah, i will see where this takes me.
Me and jonathan are still going strong, we've been dating for 6th months now! im a happy girl and i think he s a happy guy. haha. I dont know what to say execpt that he makes me happy. I still want to know and understand him more than i do now. it just seems like there is no time sometimes though. people are always around somehow, it would be nice to just get away and walk in a park and just talk. thats what i want right now, someone to talk to. gosh i sound depressing!! sorry, didnt mean to! its that emotional rollercoaster!!
well im tired, gotta wake up at 5 20 am! :(
God is faithful, God is good, He is always good. His love endures forever, and He will never leave me. On a good note, I really got broken last night after i left jonathans house last night. I dont know why, but i just began to cry on the way home. A hunger inside of me has been building up to just cry and pray before the Lord and seek His face. i did last night, and it felt so good. I just want to please my Father so bad, it would break me to know i wasnt doing what He wanted me to do. I prayed for answers and an open door. There are so many things that are hidden away that only God can see, and He knows im relying on Him to make it all work out. I prayed for an open door and grace, and He gave it to me the next morning. I cant really say right now, but the whole day at work i was expecting something to happen, an open door to arrive, and well, it did.
I didnt realize it until after i got home though, it just sort of hit me. I love it when that happens.
but yeah, i will see where this takes me.
Me and jonathan are still going strong, we've been dating for 6th months now! im a happy girl and i think he s a happy guy. haha. I dont know what to say execpt that he makes me happy. I still want to know and understand him more than i do now. it just seems like there is no time sometimes though. people are always around somehow, it would be nice to just get away and walk in a park and just talk. thats what i want right now, someone to talk to. gosh i sound depressing!! sorry, didnt mean to! its that emotional rollercoaster!!
well im tired, gotta wake up at 5 20 am! :(
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