if i could be so blount

I made a few bruises, ive broken a few bones, and made some cuts, but ive always gotten better. ive always healed, and stood back up. Lately, ive been trying to stand up again after a few bruises. Its left me wondering about myself and who i am, and who will i be. The truth is, i really dont have a clue. So where does that leave me now?

I wish there was an answer to the biggest mysteries of life sometimes, why did this happen the way it did. But i know that answer would change everything, so here i am keeping hold of the faith which drives me to keep moving forward.

we all have our weaknessess, and i certainly have mine. im not better than anyone else in this world, and i could feel the least in most cases. Most days, my weakness challenges me mind, body, and spirit, and sometimes it wins me over. But there is always a new day, where grace is sufficient in weakness.

i guess what im trying to say is, that i really want to move forward, sometimes even just walk away forever and never look back. Because somewhere down along the way, i got hit hard, i know its partially my fault. my weakness challenged me, and directed my direction, atmosphere, and surroundings.

God knows we are imperfect, He knows we fall, certainly way too many to count, for myself, atleast. How is God going to use this weakness of mine? I know it is the thorn that is always there, and i know i shall overcome it. but when and how.
I know that He is good, good to those who love Him, and i so dearly love my Father.
I cant really even believe that He loves me through the times ive turned my back.

so, where does this leave me? dont really know. But i know that He will use this weakness of mine somehow, someway. but until then...hmm...

try and worship with my life, what ive always done, what i always will do. No matter how many people, bruises, cuts, hurt, pain, confusion. I will get it one day. Its all ganna be alright.

HELLO there!

currently listening to some new music called Robbie Seay Band. LOVE them.

I finished up the last of my christmas shopping today! i am soo excited! i dont think ive ever been more excited about Christmas than now! i have been able to buy everyone everything or give someone something that was on my heart..with some left over!
I am just feeling SO thankful right now. I know i said before, but really, i am.
i love my friends and family! they are SO precious to me!

I hope that everyone has an amazing Christmas! love you all. :)

The Battle!

Im sitting here, finally enjoying some time off. i finished this semester with a bang, and i am very thankful. This week really challenged me and pushed me to keep going. With my dad in the hospital, and finals, and then getting the most horrible cold ever! I managed to get through it one day at a time, and i aced all of my finals except Psychology, i made a B. So i ended up making 5 A's and 1 B. i was and am very happy and thankful! i know that it was God who did it because He knew i really needed His strength this week!

Now i just done with a few Christmas cards listening to the Shane and Shane pandora station and i am just feeling really thankful right now! So thankful for His mercy in my life and for the wonderful people God has placed in my life. I am excited about this Christmas season and i want to do more than i have ever done.

I was also looking through some old stuff and i saw this scripture that is really poweful!

2 Chronicles 20:15

and He said, "Listen, all of you of Judah and you inhabitants of Jerusalem, and you, king Jehosaphat! Thus says the Lord to you:
'Do not be afraid nor dismayed because the great multitude, for the battle is not yours, but Gods.

WOW! this has been the scripture of the year for me. I have had to face a few battles in my life that i wanted to take care of my own terms, but it is never a battle that we must fight alone, God is our fighter and defender. He never ceases to amaze me! He has fought every battle for me and brought me through His timing and His wants.

Merry Early Christmas, (only 14 more days! ) Yippeeee

Rachel <3

Stronghold

Well, it is going to be one of those really crazy weeks. I have finals starting tuesday, and 5 at that. I have already begun to sort of study. thankfully, i have no tests tomorrow, so i can really take advantage of that time tomorrow to study also.

I guess the most impacting of my weekend has been that my dad had a heart attack. It was really scarey to hear, and honestly i have been really stressed about it all weekend. i am trying to depend on the Lord, but it definately isnt easy. I havent seen him in about a year or so, and he is living in south dakota, so i really cant see him. He will be in the hospital for about 2 weeks because he also has an infection on his leg from knee down. they are going to have to drain it and stuff..not pleasant. i saw the picture and its pretty bad. He is going to get the stint put in tuesday. So, if you dont mind, please pray for him and us. I dont know what is going to happend, because God is bigger plans that i could know. But i do know that God is faithful. But just pray for peace and strength in our family! it is greatly appreciated.

Psalm 9:9-10
The Lord also will be a stronghold for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble.
and those who know Your name will put their trust in You, for You, oh Lord, have not forsaken those who seek You.




much love,
Rachel

Well, I am officially on my thanksgiving break and i have time to do nothing for once. I love that...
Life has been flying by lately, i havent really gotten a chance to smell the roses lately. But thank God for inventing Thanksgiving, if not, i would have gone insane by now. I went shopping today and got .5% of my christmas shopping done. As always, its the most wonderful time of the year. It is going to be a different year this year, but it always is every year. I am so thankful for everyone and everything in my life.
I really have not decided or found out what i want to graduate in yet..which is really really stressful for me, but im just taking it day by day. I am taking an intro to photography class next semester and i am super excited about it. I havent been excited about a class..in...well i think this is the first time. So maybe this is what God wants? who knows. I hate that i like photography cause it seems like its the really popular thing right now. I am certainly not doing it because everyone else is doing it, but i really genuily just like taking pictures. I actually imagine different scenarios in my weird brain of things to take pictures of sometimes.

As i get older, i start to see how artsy i really am, and how unlogical, mathematical, i am not. I belong in the music, singing, songwriting, artsy world. I have always been like that! no point in hiding it! :D

currently, i am listening to Brooke frasers new album, flags. Its pretty neato.

I am very thankful for all the awesome people i have met this semester as well. I feel like i was really in my box last semester, but God really opened the door for me to meet some awesome, godly people.

Christmas is just around the corner!

and i have been through the single commitment for almost 2 months now!! I am so proud, it hasnt been easy though, ill tell you that. But God has definately been teaching me a lot of stuff!

God Bless and Happy Thanksgiving!

Rachel Ray

A time for everything

God allows us to go through trials and temptations. I believe that He also never gives us anything we cannot handle. God is really bringing me through a hard time in my life, and it has constantly challenged me to depend and trust on Him alone. This time, I really can't understand how or why, but I know that I will come out better and more refined. I am thankful that His mercy is new every morning, ready for me to take complete hold of. I know that the more I give, the more i will receive. So I pray and encourage you that yu aren't alone in this fight. God has a beautiful purpose and we will come out stronger than ever. God has some great things in store, but we are going to have to get rid of ourselves. This is worship. Lets worship with our lives. :) thanks for reading and God bless. :)

What faith produces

God has really been teaching me a lot about brokenness these past 5 or 6 months. I think after i got out of my last relationship, God kind of opened Himself up to me in a whole new way, and also revealed myself to ..well myself in a way that i never knew. He has been taking the really messy, ugly parts and just throwing them on the table for me to look at. It is definitely not an easy process, but deep down, it is my prayer that God would refine me everyday, no matter what the cost. I am definitely feeling the Refiners fire and have been for a few months now. but i know that God is faithful. If i can count on one thing, its that God loves me and that He is for me. I can honestly say that i am thankful for the brokenness that God has given me lately, because i know it produces righteousness. I have been taking comfort a few nights in a row by just running outside and gazing at the stars. I have gotten the understanding that not everything has to be understood, but just knowing that God in all His might sees me, loves me, and has a wonderful plan. I cant wait to see what God has in store. For those of you who are going through any kind of brokenness, just know that God is for you, because He is your maker. one day everything will make sense, but we must fight the good fight and endure the race with faith. Because faith produces patience.

We the grain

Well, as of now i am studying for psychology and english midterms. I figure the only way to stay sane is to drink coffee and blog. So here we go-
I went to the selu bcm this past thursday night, and God really challenged me. He was talking about because of Christs death and His glorfication, we are glorified and resurrected through Him. When John or some one told Jesus that He would never taste death, Jesus rebuked him. Because without Christs death, we would all be sent to hell. Yes i already knew that, but i was reminded of its great importance. But that wasnt even what hit me.

John 12:23-25
But Jesus answered them, saying, "The hour has come that the Son of Man should be glorified.
"Most assuredly i say, unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies, it remains alone, but if it dies, it produces much grain.
He who loves his life will lose it, and he hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life".


we must die to ourselves, to our dreams, ambitions, and life goals. that means everything, even wanting to be a worship leader and traveling around the world. We have to surrender and realize that if we look at what we want, we will never experience the fullness of what God wants, and HIS WANT is a BILLION times better. Us humans, including myself can be so small minded, but we bear much fruit if we die first. Because literally, a piece of grain falls to the ground, dies, and turned upside down, then begins to grow, and eventually brings forth fruit. We are the grain, and we must die, so that we can truly live.

two things

Few things on my mind tonight:

One, that God is so amazing. I have experience Him on such an incredible and intimate level this week during worship. Just the fact of understanding that Gods holiness is inside of me is overwhelming. That because of Him, i am sanctified and redeemed. Heaven lives inside of me. It really just shook everything inside of me this week, shook it to the core. And just that He loves me, above all. So high of a God would be trampled and die for ME?! insane! and it truly does break my heart and i am so thankful beyonnd words.

two: that i am extremely exhausted. When i get really tired, i want to cry, and i have been wanting to cry all week. I guess school and my responsibilities are taking a toll on me, but i am thankful that we got 2 days off. It is also hard to keep it all together sometimes and give give give. I know i can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I know He is my rest. if you have nothing else to do, just say a quick prayer for me for strength and energy!

other than that, life is great. i cant complain. God blesses me endlessly. i pray for new things, new experiences, and new friendships. i love Him and he is really starting to break me for what breaks His, and ill tell you, sometimes it isnt easy.

In Christ and worship,
Rachel

comittment

Well..
This is weekend was great! I got to spend time with my sister Sarah! We spent the beautiful day getting sushi at Tiger Sushi and then going to the new outlet of platos closet! i got me a nice Ralph Lauren shirt that i cant WAIT to wear! I loved it cause we just got to be with each other and hang! Time can get in way so much and i hate it!



It was really cool to just worship the Lord during practice this past sunday morning. I really felt the presence of God and i love how He moves through me. He is such a faithful and powerful God.

same faithful God!

i really do believe God is beginning/already has been doing something awesome in the community of central. I can just see His fire growing in churches all over the place, it is truly incredible. Personally, i can see God working in our church in such a mighty way. Our worship team is growing spiritually and our relationships with one another have also been growing. God provided us with a new sound system also and it sounds incredible, so much difference. I just feel so blessed to be part of the ministry there, it is truly want i want to do with the rest of my life. I went to cornerstone tonight and they had the most incredible worship. Their passion for God and their generation is inspiring. I have gotten the privelege to meet a bunch of the college kids and make new friends there. The last song they did was a song they did in kids camp. i just filled me with joy to see everyone dancing and singing with no chains. I love that passion and left so encouraged. God is really doing something in that church and its awesome. in my life personally, i really feel like God is bringing me through something new as well. Brand new season, new challenge, same faithful God. im pretty excited, it definately isnt going to be easy, but i got a good feelin about this one. HE is going to give me a car< I KNOW IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

Without Faith

So, i was on the way to zachary to play volleyball with some friends and was going off of memory from like a month or so ago. It was kinda easy at first until i didnt know what neighborhood to turn into. i ended up going all the way down the wrong road and then going way down this other road that had barely any houses. im just glad it wasnt at night..
but finally i turned on the right now that i didnt know at the time and i was kinda getting scared at that point. I saw the road and was like why not, maybe it does sound familiar because im pretty much desperate anyway. Then i prayed that God would show me where to go...about 10 sec later i see it on the right...i sighed with relief.

i was thinking about how our lives are often the same. We try our best to go the way we think we know but it ends up being the wrong way. You begin to listen to the voice of God and turn in the direction with faith and maybe a little brokeness.
Sometimes it takes a few wrong turns, but eventually you are going to get there, but only if you have faith. Because this life requires faith, especially when you have no idea where you are going. He will lead us, even though it might be a little scarey, because i was definately getting scared.

Im even kinda scared right now because i know WHERE i want to go, but how do i get there is the question. my answer to that is simple, have faith and believe He really will lead me into His promises. Without faith it truly is impossible to please God...
im seeing more and more that i need to have more faith in the God of the universe. And im not even talking about finding the right house, i think there is obviously a bigger picture there. i hope im never too stubborn to finally ask God for direction...i bet that could have saved me a lot of time and getting lost.

Beautiful Conference and everything else

Had a great time at the Beautiful conference with my favorite worship leader Kari Jobe and speaker Angela Thomas. It was truly an encouragement to hear them both. I got a lot out of the conference, but i left thinking, yup, leading worship is truly what my heart desires to do. I want to lead people in the presence of God for the rest of my life and pour out my soul and heart to those who need Him. I pray that Gods will would be done in my life. I keep thinking today, "Gods will is better than my will". Is it true. He knows better than i know, so i need to trust Him. even if that means me doing something that i dont necessarily want to do right now. Like going to school at selu, lol. sometimes i do, but i was asked the question a few days ago, "If you were completely submitted to Gods will right now, what do you think He would ask you to do'?
I didnt know what to say at first, but now that i think about it more, my answer would be bible school. I would love to have a ministeral degree under my belt but i dont know if thats what God wants, He really hasnt opened a door for me in that area yet.

i did start school last wednesday. wow, is really all i can say. I am taking a lot of classes. 9 to be exact. It is my sophomore year and i am already freaking out, but wouldnt you?
my major is now gen. studies with a concentration in music..so im taking a lot of hard classes, including theory.

Honestly, i am never been more afraid so soon in my life. So like me, huh? it was my third day and im already thinking i cant do this. Such non sense i know! but im already lost in my class, and they say it is just going to get worse. I really dont want to be negative, i want to have faith in believe in God in this situation. So i am going to work as hard as i can for as long as i can.

I know that God is my lamp, and the thing about a lamp is, it doesnt light your whole path, just a little bit at a time to take each step. thats how God works in my life. i only get to see a little at a time.

I look back 2 years from now and never would have thought i would be here. But i know His will is greater than mine, He knows me inside and out, and dreamed me up before i was even created. He knows what is perfect for me. i am so thankful for a God who dreams for me. He is so beautiful. Thank you Lord!

I will lay down my fears, my dreams, and everything else to the One who died and gave His all for me. He is the only One who is worthy, yes He is worthy.

Paint Day!

i had a wonderful day with Renee, Aimie, and my new friend Nina painting! It was my first time to paint on a canvas so i was pretty nervous about it...but i think it turned good! i am VERY proud of it...lol. I think i am going to do it more often! I call it "Cherry Blossom"

I also went out to eat with some good friends, Kelsey and Rachel M. and ate greek and lebanese at Cafe Phonecias. it was excellente! Afterwards, we watched one of my favorite movies, pride and prejudice! it is such a sweet movie and it gets me everytime! i am looking forward to the worship team get together tomorrow night! its going to be an awesome jam session!

"love is waiting"

So..ive been listening to Brooker Frasers Albertine cd lady and im really diggin it. i really like this song a lot because to me it about just waiting on God and HIS perfect timing for the right person. i dont have to fret or be afraid, but just wait and be patient before the Lord. When people pass by who are in love i know that all that matters right now is that i am in love...with my Abba Father. I dont think about this all of time, i just thought was a really cool song. Brooke Fraser is such an awesome song writer!!!
Proverbs 31:30 peeps! be encouraged God is always faithful and good.


in the autumn on the ground, between the traffic and the traffic and the ordinary sounds
I am thinking signs and seasons while a north wind blows through
i was watch as lovers pass me by
walking stories-whos and hows and whys
Musing lazily on love
Pondering you
I'll give it time, give it space and be still for a spell
when its time to walk that way we wanna walk it well


ill be waiting for you baby
ill be holding back the darkest night
love is waiting till we're ready, til its right
Love is waiting

its my caution not the cold
theres no hand id rather hold
the climate changes, im singing for the strangers about you
dont keep time, slow the pace
Honey hold on if you can

Wedding-ness!

I love these girls. =)

Jennifers and Kirby's wedding was last night! it was absolutely extravagant on so many levels. It was so holy and pure and annoited. I dream that my wedding will be like that, that Gods presence would be so strong when i get married to the right one! But anyways, everything was just very pretty. And jennifer was so beautiful. i took a few pictures! The gym was also done very well. There were soo many people. Atleast 500 people, maybe even more. My whole sanctuary filled up.

Church this morning was also amazing. Gods presence was SO strong. I asked God to give me a new experience with Him this morning and He sure did! i have never felt Him like i did this morning. I was leading worship and i could barely sing because how awestruck i was with Him. In life i believe there are special moments that we never forget. today was one of them. I pray i get will more of those awestruck moments with Him.

The Doctorians came to the service because of Jens wedding. Can i just say there are an amazing family, all of them, including the workmans. I can just see God all over them. That is another reason why i thought the wedding was so special.

Luther preached a good message and i got the opportunity for him to pray for me. As soon as i saw him he said he saw Jesus in me. that was really encouraging me. He prayed for me and told me that because i had faith to believe what i wanted, that i would get it. That God was going to use me for many people and to change their lives. I am very thankful for that encouragement. God is so good to those who seek His face.

Fun day! Peeing Cars...

Today was a fun and eventful day!
I woke up at 10:30 am ish and got ready to go each lunch with my buddy Becca. We ended up getting sushi at Geishas...and wow..sushi never gets old for me!! i am like in LOVE with it. Becca is pretty much the craziest sushi eater person i have ever met besides my brother. She is all up in that raw stuff and the pink soapy tasting junk LOL. i decided to be adventures and try [raw] sushi, it was called the 'dynamite'...NOPE. didnt like it...definately spit that number out in my napkin. OH well..i guess the waiters found a nice little surprise when they cleaned up LOL.
Im pretty excited though, i think we might take a road trip to houston, tx to go see BROOKE FRASER in concert in november! im so excited! hopefully my schedule will allow it! Im bones are THRIVING for some good live music.

So after lunch, i headed straight for one of my FAVORITE places on the planet at the moment...yup, Charming Charlies. Best jewlrey/accessory store..ever evented. Wow, i sound really girly right now...i guess there is a reason for that! well, it was kinda ridiculous cause i went all the way over there just to get a pair of earrings. Jen is getting murrrried tomorrow so i wanted to find the right outfit and accessories for it! i cant wait to wear my dress. but more that, i cant wait to see my Jen get married!!!! I am so happy for her and she is definately blessed with someone who truely loves her! The wedding is going to be beautiful! ill post pics soon!

After charming Charlies, went home for a little while, then i went to the hub at hpc. it was a great night, really good worship. got really intimate with the Lord. They sang this song, "What Joy (psalm 146) by generation church. i am definately going to be doing that song on a future wednesday night service. maybe nic will like it and we can do it sunday!

after church, me and kelsey rented a movie and watched When in Rome. it was the cheesiest movie ive ever seen...the acting was kinda bad. BUT, all in all, it was a cute movie. very cheesy, but cute.

i think that pretty much sums up my day.

The quote of the night is
"Oh my gosh, i think my car just peed again!"...hehe.

Surf's Up dude.

helloooooooo!

good to be back. I am currently chillin in front of the tv doing nothing! i am still in vacation mode.

i need to get out of it though, but i love it. anyways. i just got home from the college beach trip today. i had a lot of fun and i got a little burnt/tan. it was good to just chill out out on our [exclusive] beach and listen to the waves. i wish i could go back. :(. ive realized a lot of things about my life, both good and bad. i am going to work to change them. i really dont have too much to say tonight....i guess im just tired. i took some pretty cool pictures!

beachy

well, im going to the beach tomorrow, FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ahh, ive been waiting for this for a long time and im super excited and just relaxing and getting tan! more update later i guess. im tired as a BEAST!

A call to anguish

Well, tonights service was pretty much amazing. God broke me so much and convicted me some hard core stuff. Pastor Terry talked about how we need to re kindle the flames in our lives by feeding the Holy Spirit. that was awesome alone just because i have been studying about all of this for the past month. but what really hit me was the video called "A call to anguish" by david wilkinson. i was literally brought to tears after hearing what this man had to say. i cant really put it into words, but God definately brought His presence there during prayer and there was a spirit of awareness and brokeness. I was definately broken. even as i lead worship i was overwhelmed. please watch the video, you wont regret it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lGMG_PVaJoI


Other than that,
i was presented with an opportunity today. i cant say any details about it right now, but it is something VERY exciting that i have been wanting to for a long time. i dont know if God wants me to do it so i am definately going to be praying about it alot. it make require a hard decision to make that could change my life, forever. not to be too dramatic of course. but i feel this may have been an immediate answer prayer. but like i said, i dont know. ill fill in the details as soon as im able.

God bless,
Rachel

Hiccups

This made me smile this morning when i found it on my desk. haha, those stupid hiccups......

He has broken through.

I am definately amazed on how much God is speaking to me in my life. It is incredible how much, over and over again, He keeps confirming the same message. I am very grateful. I hope i dont sound selfish, because i dont want that. But i am praying that God will continue to change me into the woman He has called me to be, that i fear the Lord, just at Proverbs 31:30 says.
Right now, i am dealing with impatience in a certain area of my life. I want patience SOOOO bad, but its not coming as quickly as i want it. It is definately a process. haha, i guess you could say im impatient about getting patience. I want to walk in the fullness of God and do what He desires, not me. I guess thats the hard part sometimes because i am human. But all in all, i know He is working and speaking to me in many ways. I am thankful for the fire i am being brought through and i pray that God would continue to refine me..even if it hurts. Because, for the first time, i can finally see God in such way that i have never seen Him before. In all brokenness, God has been carrying me through everything. I am thankful for His strength and mercy. I am definately not worthy of anything that He has given, but wow.

I cant wait to see what the future holds..speaking ministry wise. I know He has called me to full time ministry, and i feel everyday that He is preparing me for that. I know once i get out of this season, that i will fully understand and see why everything happened the way that it did.

Be encourage that God has a plan and that even when you feel you are in the darkness, by His power we can continue to move forward.

Love this verse:
1 chronicles 14:11

Open the floors of heaven

A few days ago, Katelyn, Tiffany, and I hung out one night and just had a nice girls sleepover. It was a lot of fun. but the main reason i enjoyed it so much is because i got to experience something i have never experience before in my life! As we layed in katelyns driveway, gazing at the beautiful stars up ahead, i just kept thinking, wow, God is so awesome. we kept hoping and hoping to see a shooting star, because they are just that awesome! well unfortunately, we didnt see a shooting star, but we saw something much greater! me and katelyn got to witness a SUPER NOVA!!! it was sooo awesome. i remember seeing this bright light in the sky and it got brighter and brighter, and then it just disapeared. it was a star exploding and we got to see its life end!! how stinkin NEAT! as soon as i saw it i got huge chills and had tears in my eyes from the excitment. it was definately one of the moments i will never forget. i am so happy that God allowed us to see a glimpse of His master artwork. So many times we forget who awesome God really is...but im glad God is always patient with us, especially me!

Running to You

So...

Pretty much since 2pm today, i began writing another song! I was at work, and what a privelege it is to just be able to walk on stage and just mess around on the piano and just worship God..when you have finished all your work of course. ;). But yeah, so i just started messing around the piano, (i cannot play really, if you were wondering). And sometimes, i just make up my own little songs with my best ability lol. But anyways, i found some really cool chords that went together and words just started coming to me. So i finished about half then went home. Took and a break, but then was COMPELLED to finish it!! So yeah, its about 9:07pm now and i think im almost done? Im really excited about this song! Everytime i sing it, my spirit and my soul gets so encouraged and i feel His presence everywhere! it is so amazing! Basically the song is about us running towards God, throwing everything aside. I am laying everything down at His feet and just going for it. I love it. In another part of the song, i am planning on adding this sort of 'parallel' or inversion with God saying the same thing to us. As I am running towards, He is also running towards us..Sort of like the Prodigal son.

My heart and spirit is just so full of joy right now, i feel like i just got out of the best church service ever!! haha.

But other than that idk what to say. Except im still going through a tough time with diff. things in my life, but i know God is for me. And if He is for me, who can stand against me?! NO ONE!

I just shouldnt worry about all the little things in my life so much, He has everything under control. I am understanding that more and more everyday. I mean if God, as awesome as He is, can create the universe, how much could and will He do for us? It is so awesome to imagine a magnificent God wanting to be with ME! Like seriously......it is mind blowing.... maybe it could help it you just remember all those trillions of stars you see in pictures or even in your backyard...and know that Creator desires more than anything to spend paradise walking with us and talking with us.

Obedience..Have Your Way God..Have Your Way..

Well..
I seem to be facing a battle in my life right now, but i know that God is still God, despite all circumstances. Im learning to just accept being righteous, standing before God, knowing that NOTHING i can do that is GOOD nor bad will improve the way that God looks and sees me as. I am learning that there is this beautiful, infinite, eternal love that God has for me, and when i am in the fire, i have to hope to remember that i can still run into the arms of love. He is never changing! But yeah, i just pray that in this battle that the Lord is putting me through, that i can grow, and that i not complain about it. I went to the hub at HPC for a special college service friday night, and the guy was talking about how he couldnt seem to get the scripture out of his head of the one where Jesus was praying before He was to be crucified, saying

Luke 22:42
Father, if You are willing, please take this cup of suffering from me. Yet, i want Your will to be done, not mine. (New Living Trans)

He was talking about how, so many times, WE DO THE SAME THING! we want to get rid of what God has placed us in for a reason. That is SOO true! How many times have i personally cried out to God to please take this "cup" of relationships, loneliess, or etc away from me.

It is so cool that Jesus was fully man yet fully God. Jesus Himself didnt want to do what He was about to do, but i love what He says...."yet, i want Your will to be done, not mine". How obedient and selfless.

I encourage you to listen to the song Arms open wide, by Hillsong.

Hear our prayers..

I have fallen in love with Psalm 20 tonight. It is such a great psalm from David about Gods assurance of His faithfulness. Before i read this scripture tonight, i was listening to a song called "Hear us from heaven"..and when i read this scripture it just sort of clicked in my brain and i had a little happy God moment there.

verse 6 says:
Now i know that the Lord saves his annointed; He will answer him from His holy heaven with the saving strength of His right hand.

This might mean much, but for me, the entire passage of Psalm 20 really pulled my spirit. Because beyond all of our failures, busy lives, and chaos, hurt, and pain, God is going to be our strong tower. He will literally hear our cries from heaven and answer us in the days of trouble. He remembers us, He loves us, and will answer us in our times of distress. It may not be the answer we want or expected, but He is always there.

God is so faithful, it is truly amazing to feel and know His love, even in my weakness. Thank you God for being so faithful and so loving!

Psalm 20
May the Lord answer you in the day of trouble
May the name of the God of Jacob defend you;
2May He send you help from the sanctuary,
And strengthen you out of Zion;
3 May He remember all your offerings,
And accept your burnt sacrifice

4 May He grant you according to your hearts desire,
and fulfill all your purpose..

Well..life has been good lately. God is just so good in how He always teaches us things, though we may not understand what we are going through in the beginning, there is always a way to see and gain knowledge. God has really been convicting me about what it means to be a Christian..everyday. I heard a really good quote the other night from a speaker that we had that will stick with me forever. He said something along the lines, "We are either growing or dieing, there is no middle grounds". That is so true! I want to grow more and more everyday! I dont want what i have to go to waste. I want to take everyday and use it as an opportunity to minister to someone in someway, get better at my talents, and just show love to people. It is so encouraging to know that this place is so temperary. That if we are saved according to the gospel, we are going to heaven, where there are no more tears, suffering, and pain. Sometimes i forget that promise from God, but i have been reminded of the great gift that God has given us, eternal life! So our job, as Christians, (Christ followers), is to be the salt in the world, shine His light and love for all to see, and lead people to the cross so they can experience the same beautiful gift.

Matthew 5:14-16

14"You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. 15Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 16In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.

God is so good! And we are called as followers to shine the light and love. So, how will you shine the light in the darkness?

Sigh...

Today was a fun day. I woke up at 2:20pm though, lol. I have been doing that a lot lately. I need to retrain my sleeping habits. It felt really good to play some tennis with Katelyn, it really pumped my energy level! I never do any cardio so that helped a lot. I think i have been doing pretty good on my diet, a lot of people are noticing that i have lost weight! That really encourages me!!! I went to the movies..yet again, and saw Prince of Persia for the 2nd time with Nathanael and some friends. I really like that movie! But now i get home, and my mind is free to wonder and think..which i dont like! Not right now anyways...I like to keep myself busy so i dont think about the past. So here i am now, trying to get it off my mind. I find that there is A LOT of things that God wants to do for me and with me..and it is going to take a lot of time im afraid. I have always been one to just take what i had and move on with it..but this is different. It is not going to be that easy for me to just live a normal life. My normal life is being changed into something else.
I guess what i mean to say by that is that God is changing my path and He is changing my heart and mind that will affect my future and day to day activites. And it is going to take a while. I just wish i could get on with it...but it is in these moments with God that are the most beautiful and the most cherished. I will look back on it one day and be really thankful. But for now, i am struggling, mentally and spiritually. I do know that God has blessed me so much. It is just hard to accept the way things are right now, accepting that my life is no longer the same, and that God is doing something in my life right now that i cannot begin to understand nor fathom. I pray that i continue to fight the good fight.

Good Morning to All.

Today is just one of those nights...
unfortunately, its not a good thing.
Its 2:03 am..wow.
Have you ever felt like when you went through something, people sympathized with you for the time being, but then as time went on...people went back to their daily lives? But, for the other, their world was still not normal. Like, everyones world has gone back to normal but yours. yeah...
My world is far from being normal anytime soon..but there is always hope for those who trust in the Lord. And i love my Daddy, my Abba Father.

Summer is finally here!!! I am so happy!
But before i splurge on that, i want to apologize for writing such a judging blog. I re read it just now, and it didnt seem like something Christ would say. It was not my intention to sound self-righteous or to talk bad about anyone, i just get so stirred up when it comes to things like that. But i realized this week, that I< MYSELF, am NO BETTER than anyone else in this world. I should dare not compare myself to the broken and messed up people, because in the end, i am just as messed up, just as much as a sinner as the rest. I have no right to point fingers and spit and people. Ok, so i didnt spit at anyone, but im sure thats how people would feel.

So yeah, I pray that God would continue to change my heart, change my love, change my life for the sake of others around me.

Summer Time :

I am loving it beyond words so far! It is so awesome just to have a break and relax. I am still getting used to the fact that i have no school to worry about for a few months. I was always used to the thought of thinking "Hm, what homework, or what do i need to study for, or what paper do i need to write" blah blah blha. Im glad thats over for a while, and i passed my finals by Gods grace alone. literally, THAT was pretty evident. haha.

We just got done with our Ladies bible study, and i cannot express the gratitude i have for Jennifer Curkis (sp_>). God has and is doing so many things in my life right now, and this bible study for a gateway into stepping into something amazing. Something so amazing, that i cannot even understand right now. I can feel God and His holy spirit doing something so incredible inside of me that words cannot express. Even when i feel like the darkness is all around me, He isthere and He is doing something in my heart. I love how God does that. But especially now. It gives me courage and hope to know that He really does have my back, and that He truely does love me beyond measure.

God is changing my heart, and growing it more and more as i seek His face. I am starting to feel His presence more heavily in my life, and it is making me want to do so much for Him. I have so many things that i want to do for Him, to make His name known, to show people who He is, to enter into His presence with His people. I cant wait to see what God has in store. He has already begun to do something amazing.

In Christ alone,
RachelRay

deep

Im feeling deep today. Lately, i have just been observing a lot of people and looking at situations and everyting to me seems so superficial. It is really depressing to get to know someone and know who they truely are, and they act different because of who they are with. Or say they are one thing, but they act another. I dont understand this concept at all..but i guess i should. People put up their fronts for a reason. But what about when it comes to religion? People are willing to go to a certain church on sunday but listen to trash on the way there. When is there a line? Where are the boundaries? It just aggravates me a lot. More than anything though, i feel sorry and have compassion for these people are so lost in this world. It is eye opening to see the real world sometimes...what i mean by that is that, im so used to being the church world, that i forget about what it really is out there. The music, the way people dress, and the way they act are constanting evolving to a higher expectation and level.

When will there be respect to our Holy God? My prayer today begins that He would show me how to show the reference of God in peoples lives without condeming them. Out of love , and not hatred. How did Jesus make this his life? I, myself am sometimes caught up in this church world that we have, but i want to reach out, but its not always easy. God please show me how to do this...

Not my own

this week is going to be a rough week with finals coming up next week. Im actually taking a study break now..i have 2 lab finals tomorrow,back to back!eeek! I hope God opens up my understanding! I need to do good on these tests!

God has been speaking to me through different people and things, sermons, etc I have never experienced something like this before. He keeps confirming the same words to me, over and over again in the same week. this week it was a different message, something that i needed. But before i tell you this week, let me tell you last week. Basically, God just kept on telling me and showing me His ultimate love for me. He spoke it through bible study, and sermon after sermon. It is so amazing how God sees our pain, and comforts us through people and His word. This week, i was struggling with trying to understand why, what, and how. I couldnt/cant figure it out, and it just put me in more pain. It hurts a lot sometimes, not understanding why things happen the way they do, and there have been so many unanswered questions in my heart. But all throughout the week, i have seen this one verse.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:

Ive seen it and heard it everywhere this week, and i was totally expecting it to be preached on this morning!! and you know what, pastor terry did! It makes me smile and fills me with joy that God REALLY does care and love for me. He only wants the best for me. though i cannot understand why this things are happening, i am not supposed to understand, but trust in God.

Without faith, it is impossible to please God..Hebrews 11:6

I pray God continues to do work in me, i cant wait to see what He has in store for me.
i also cannot wait till finals are over so i can really focus on music and life...

things happening...

God answers our prayers..The ones that come deep within the pit of our souls, the ones the hurt the most, but the ones that we know we need. This past week has been one of the hardest for me. today, i surrender my life and heart to God, despite questions. It is the hardest thing right now, is just moving on, accepting what has happened, and let go. Im sure it will take a while to get over.. I am also praying that i can pull my grades up. Finals are right around the corner, but now im sick, which doesnt help at all..
Out of this week, if there is anything that i have learned, is that God is always first, and that i have to trust Him with everything, including my future husband. I expect my husband to be godly and love people, not himself in a selfish way. We will get a long, and we will be so happy together, we will fit perfectly. I pray that God heals me in the meantime before i meet this special person. I pray i do not make another mistake, and do not get hurt again. I pray God holds my heart, and He will work it out.

On a better note,
I had my very FIRST GIG yesterday at gross tete baptist church. Gig as in, i got paid! it was so awesome...i remember just wanting to get it over with because i was so nervous. It was a womens conference filled with a lot of older women and i thought they wouldnt respond very well. But goodness!! they SURE DID! they loved it. it is just scarey because they really havent listened to a full band, just a piano. Nic Miller, Jordan DeWitt, Jesse Magee, and Andy Belgard played for me, and it was awesome. Im so glad Julie Bayham allowed me to come and do this opportunity!

It is pretty sad to hear one of your best friends tell you that they are sad because they havent seen you happy in a while... pretty darn sad..

Valentines Day

I had an amazing zing time with jonathan for valentines day. I am just so deeply in love with him and am so thankful God put him in my life. Yesterday was just a night i will never forget, it was so awesome. I woke up to find a giant teddy bear and guitar hero (world tour) in my car, and sticky notes on my steering wheel. It was the perfect thing to wake up to before i went to church! Then he came over and gave me the most beautiful pink roses and a card surprising me to going to tsnami's. AWESOME! he even made me a "Rachel love" cd to listen to on the way to lafeyette. It was so romantic...he looked so amazing. He had this mysterious look in his eyes that made me melt. i cant stop thinking about it and how i feel. then we went to his house afterwards and watched the movie "Paul Blart Mall Cop", it was our first movie date one year ago on valentines day! I pray that this is who God has for me, that its not just something, because after last night, my heart melted forever! lol. i am trusting God and so thankful...even though life is still really confusing right now, i know He will work it out. He always has...despite any circumstance in my life, EVERYTHING has worked out good for me. I thank God for how awsesome He is in my life, i pray that He would consume me from the inside out. I pray my love will grow deeper and deeper for him!

Passion 2010

Well, i just got back from the Passion Conference 2010. It was truly an amazing experience. I pray that God will continue to work in my life as He always is and that this passionate fire does not go out.
I am struggling tonight, just in the aspect that it is hard going back into the real world. It felt so encouraging to be surrounded by real love and Christ-like people, and then you come back home, and it hits you with a ton of bricks. I didnt realize it would be this hard. Im still struggling in a few things in my life, but my heart feels so much different. I was awakened to Gods glory this weekend and how much He is completely centered in everything. It was really hard for me to understand, but i am so thankful that i now am grasping it. Everything was created for God and in Him. That means my life is not about....myself........but about God and bringing glory to His name. That means that everything I DO, must and will reflect Christ in me, because He is in me, and He is changing me into the image of His son. I believe i found one of mystery's of God this weekend that many will never understand. I want to be a light in the word, inspite of anguish and suffering like Paul went through, i want that. i want to be put in the pit. Jesus was so giving and loving because He is God. Though He was part human, He was and is also God. Paul obviously struggled a lot more because he was full human. And that is where we are all now today. In Pauls shoes, battling the flesh, but conquering sin through Jesus. He lived a life of selflessness and He would even trade his soul for others to go to heaven........that is so...selfless. i could never do that. ever. ever. ever. I do NOT EVER want to be separated from Jesus my King.

God did a lot in my life, and now that i am awakened to a new life, i am ready to share His love to everyone. My goal is to have these words stuck in my soul, to be these things, so that when i die, i will have fulfilled it.

Loving, Selfless, giving, forgiving, confident in Christ, joyful, bold, pure, and a woman with integrity.