It is currently 2:10 am on Christmas Eve and i am NOT sleeping like i should be. I dont know if its the excitement that Christmas is almost here, or the fact that i just cant sleep. i guess its both. :), i kind of enjoy staying up and thinking about life and nothing at the same time, but worried because tomorrow is going to be a long, but very fun day indeed. Tomorrows agenda consists of me waking up earlier than usual and taking a shower, finding a nice outfit, and going to jonathans house to go to Addis for Christmas eve service that we are singing at. I am pretty excited, to because i get to spend Christmas eve with him and his family. we are exchanging gifts after the christmas eve service and eating fried fish!! yummy! i keep thinking that he wont like my present, but oh well. I got him this book called :Mere Christianity: and i also got his season 5 of House. atleast i know i will like that present, haha. but anyway. Life is good, im enjoying this nice break from school.
Passion conference in Georgia is less than 2 weeks away...im so excited!!! so many christian artists i love will be there, such as Hillsong United, Fee, Charlie Hall, Kristian Stanfill, David Crowder, and etc. God is really going to move! Pastor Terry gave me some money to buy merch and food on the way over there, so that was a blessing.
A few weeks ago, we had to put bonnie down. It was so sad, and it was really hard for me to deal with, esp during finals week. i really thought i had it all together when it all just sort of hit me and i cried for about 3 days. I miss her a lot, but i know that she would have been hurting. I hope there is a dog heaven out there, i really want to believe there is, but i dont know. It seems like a childish thing to think and wish for, but i really hope there is. I think pets are gifts from God, they give so much joy to our lives.
Well, im trying to live each day, day by day and not think about the future as much. Sometimes it is really hard not to though. I ask God to give me patience is certain areas of my life, and as a young woman, its something that i have to fight for all of the time. Every girl wants that dream, and i dont want to get ahead of the ball game. Ive always wanted to get married young, but i know thats not what God wants for me right now, everything isnt right right now. I just keep praying for patience and He is giving it to me. I am so thankful for a loving God. right now, i am happy just being with jonthan and pursuing God in everything that He is. He is so good to me.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Friday, November 27, 2009
So tired..
Im not doing too good today....everything in my life seems so out of order, and I cant find peace. im trying to fight it off, but i cant. there seems to be no escape. right now, i am in the pit, and i want out. Right now, all i want is to talk to someone i really care about, but no, i cant even do that. im so confused about so much stuff. i cant make sense out of anything. God please help me! I know God is my shield, He is literally the only one i trust right now. everyone else just fails me, over, and over again. well not everyone, but just a few. i tired of being hurt, i just want rest. God gives rest to those who are weary. I know my God will bring me through, He always does. I pray that He would set me in the right direction..im so tired of fighting, i just want to give up.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Reckless Abandonment
So, life is good at the moment. i am still very happy with what is going on, wholey anways. sp?
i had a good night with my mom. we hardly get to spend time with each other these days, and i had this brilliant plan of taking her out. we ended up going to Sammy's Grill. DELISH! lol, great time. we went up there, and there were sooo many people waiting in line, we were very reluctant, but we thought why not? the lady at the desk said it would be about 45 mintues, until we got our plate. I thought,ok, ill try and be patient. so we go outside with our buzzer, and literally 1 minute later, it started buzzing and we were seated at our table. WOW! thats definately Gods grace in favor in my life...He is so awesome, even in the little things.
A lady from my church committed suicide thursday morning. it was very sad. She had been battling Lukiemia, and was chemically inbalanced. i feel so sorry for her and her family. i know its so rough, esp. from someone from your church. i just pray that Gods grace is on her life. Only God knows and sees the heart of His children.
. I dont know why or how i deserve it, but God did it. and i am so thankful and broken because of it. all because im giving my talents and time to Him, He is honoring me for it. I love God and all i want to do is please the Lord. Id give up everything....well i would hope i would. sometimes its not easy. Kirby preached about what would you give to see and be in Gods presence and glory...then he asked, why arent you giving it up now. i pray i do recklessly abandon everything for Him to please Him. nothing is better than who God is. He is everything, so i must give everything. He is my romance and I am His.
Look at the way the flowers bloom for YouThey want to show You their beauty LordRunning waters dance, You and I romanceChorus:Unto You be all the glory.Unto You be all the glory (repeat)Bridge:The angels dance around YouThe earth it sings about YouOpen up the heavens LordLet Your Kingdom come to earthmy praises all surround youmy soul can't dance without youopen up the heavens Lordlet Your kingdom come to earth
i had a good night with my mom. we hardly get to spend time with each other these days, and i had this brilliant plan of taking her out. we ended up going to Sammy's Grill. DELISH! lol, great time. we went up there, and there were sooo many people waiting in line, we were very reluctant, but we thought why not? the lady at the desk said it would be about 45 mintues, until we got our plate. I thought,ok, ill try and be patient. so we go outside with our buzzer, and literally 1 minute later, it started buzzing and we were seated at our table. WOW! thats definately Gods grace in favor in my life...He is so awesome, even in the little things.
A lady from my church committed suicide thursday morning. it was very sad. She had been battling Lukiemia, and was chemically inbalanced. i feel so sorry for her and her family. i know its so rough, esp. from someone from your church. i just pray that Gods grace is on her life. Only God knows and sees the heart of His children.
. I dont know why or how i deserve it, but God did it. and i am so thankful and broken because of it. all because im giving my talents and time to Him, He is honoring me for it. I love God and all i want to do is please the Lord. Id give up everything....well i would hope i would. sometimes its not easy. Kirby preached about what would you give to see and be in Gods presence and glory...then he asked, why arent you giving it up now. i pray i do recklessly abandon everything for Him to please Him. nothing is better than who God is. He is everything, so i must give everything. He is my romance and I am His.
Look at the way the flowers bloom for YouThey want to show You their beauty LordRunning waters dance, You and I romanceChorus:Unto You be all the glory.Unto You be all the glory (repeat)Bridge:The angels dance around YouThe earth it sings about YouOpen up the heavens LordLet Your Kingdom come to earthmy praises all surround youmy soul can't dance without youopen up the heavens Lordlet Your kingdom come to earth
Monday, September 21, 2009
My Healer
Im so in love with Jesus. He is my Savior, my Everything, My healer. I just want to testify about how amazing He is. He is the one i put my trust in the most, and i cant even see Him. Although life and the future seems unreal and impossible, My heart and spirit say everything is in control, and i know that is Gods spirit living in me. My flesh wants logic and my spirit yearns for patience and trust. I desire to become like my Jesus that i may glorify Him to bring others to Him. He deserves my life, my all.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Rollercoaster
I have a lot on my mind at the moment. I hate how us girls have to deal with being an emotional rollercoaster all the time while the guys just lay back and relax. i wish for once i wouldnt freak out about everything. I am content and yet in some ways im nervous and scared. Scared about the future in all aspects, but excited in the next. I have figured out today and many times before that i am the girl that constantly needs to be reassured. Its sad, but true. Maybe its because of the events taken place in my life, but without that reassurance, i feel like everything has changed. God is ultimately the only one who reassures me that everything is going to be ok. i need to hear that from a person though, right now, at this moment. but, i hold my feelings in once again and just type it out, it usually helps. I hate having feeling of doubt and whatnot, and i know thats the devil trying to drag me down.
God is faithful, God is good, He is always good. His love endures forever, and He will never leave me. On a good note, I really got broken last night after i left jonathans house last night. I dont know why, but i just began to cry on the way home. A hunger inside of me has been building up to just cry and pray before the Lord and seek His face. i did last night, and it felt so good. I just want to please my Father so bad, it would break me to know i wasnt doing what He wanted me to do. I prayed for answers and an open door. There are so many things that are hidden away that only God can see, and He knows im relying on Him to make it all work out. I prayed for an open door and grace, and He gave it to me the next morning. I cant really say right now, but the whole day at work i was expecting something to happen, an open door to arrive, and well, it did.
I didnt realize it until after i got home though, it just sort of hit me. I love it when that happens.
but yeah, i will see where this takes me.
Me and jonathan are still going strong, we've been dating for 6th months now! im a happy girl and i think he s a happy guy. haha. I dont know what to say execpt that he makes me happy. I still want to know and understand him more than i do now. it just seems like there is no time sometimes though. people are always around somehow, it would be nice to just get away and walk in a park and just talk. thats what i want right now, someone to talk to. gosh i sound depressing!! sorry, didnt mean to! its that emotional rollercoaster!!
well im tired, gotta wake up at 5 20 am! :(
God is faithful, God is good, He is always good. His love endures forever, and He will never leave me. On a good note, I really got broken last night after i left jonathans house last night. I dont know why, but i just began to cry on the way home. A hunger inside of me has been building up to just cry and pray before the Lord and seek His face. i did last night, and it felt so good. I just want to please my Father so bad, it would break me to know i wasnt doing what He wanted me to do. I prayed for answers and an open door. There are so many things that are hidden away that only God can see, and He knows im relying on Him to make it all work out. I prayed for an open door and grace, and He gave it to me the next morning. I cant really say right now, but the whole day at work i was expecting something to happen, an open door to arrive, and well, it did.
I didnt realize it until after i got home though, it just sort of hit me. I love it when that happens.
but yeah, i will see where this takes me.
Me and jonathan are still going strong, we've been dating for 6th months now! im a happy girl and i think he s a happy guy. haha. I dont know what to say execpt that he makes me happy. I still want to know and understand him more than i do now. it just seems like there is no time sometimes though. people are always around somehow, it would be nice to just get away and walk in a park and just talk. thats what i want right now, someone to talk to. gosh i sound depressing!! sorry, didnt mean to! its that emotional rollercoaster!!
well im tired, gotta wake up at 5 20 am! :(
Sunday, July 12, 2009
getting ready
I am about to leave for memphis,tennessee tomorrow morning at 8am! and i am so excited! I know that this trip is going to be so awesome! last year, we had the privelege to go to the axis collision camp, and it was so much fun! we really got intimate with the Lord and i know He spoke to me! so yea, i cant wait for this week. just the experiences with the people are so much fun. last year, everyone got a stomach virus on the way home, haha! that was hilarious, well, sort of. literally almost all of the youth threw up on the way home, i was lucky enough to not get it until i got home! haha, great stuff. well im too lazy to type, later.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
with one word.
God really spoke to me today and tonight. The previous blog i had complained about lazy everyone was and how we all need to change and step up. Well today at staff lunch, pastor Terry spoke about how we cant kick ourselves in the butt due to the season that we are in. There is a season for everything, rest, preparation for the harvest, and then you build up your harvest. We cannot let ourselves become guilty just because nothing is happening, or nothing is being done at the moment. We can do things, but in this season, there isnt too much you can do. i am speaking on a spiritual season of course, relating it to reality. i dont feel as guilty anymore about what i am or arent doing at the moment. there is a time and place for everything, and we cant just keep on going and going. i dont know if this make any sense, but for me, i am in a dry season it seems. i feel like i should be doing something or anything tangible for the kingdom, but im not, with the exception of the music ministry. i was thinking more of serving the homeless or something. but maybe God isnt requiring me to do that at the moment.
Also, tonight at the ladies fellowship meeting at church, God really spoke to me about growth. The devil has the purpose to stunt our growth and experiencing all that God has for us. God has so many plans for us that we cant even imagine. God wants to keep on teaching us to grow in Him from our experiences so that we can share with other people also. The storms that we go through are the times that will shape our lives and make us more mature in Christ, as we all have learned. I want to keep on going and see what God has in store for me. I have so much in my life that i would like to change, but only through Christ. He alone gives me the ability to do what i need to do. I want my life to completely be reflected in His glory. My prayer is that He continues to change my heart, because i am so selfish. I pray that my prayer life would increase and that i would influence more people that i encounter as i go through my daily routine in life. i pray that my relationships are completely Christ centered. i pray that just because i have been a christian for so many years, that i wont become dull, but brighter every day. i pray that people see His glory on me. so much to be thankful for.
Also, tonight at the ladies fellowship meeting at church, God really spoke to me about growth. The devil has the purpose to stunt our growth and experiencing all that God has for us. God has so many plans for us that we cant even imagine. God wants to keep on teaching us to grow in Him from our experiences so that we can share with other people also. The storms that we go through are the times that will shape our lives and make us more mature in Christ, as we all have learned. I want to keep on going and see what God has in store for me. I have so much in my life that i would like to change, but only through Christ. He alone gives me the ability to do what i need to do. I want my life to completely be reflected in His glory. My prayer is that He continues to change my heart, because i am so selfish. I pray that my prayer life would increase and that i would influence more people that i encounter as i go through my daily routine in life. i pray that my relationships are completely Christ centered. i pray that just because i have been a christian for so many years, that i wont become dull, but brighter every day. i pray that people see His glory on me. so much to be thankful for.
Monday, June 29, 2009
radical
Im sitting here being pretty bored right now. I had an interesting, but none the less, fun day.
Thinking about how seclusive todays society and church has become. Where is there fire in the army of God? i really dont get myself and how i am saved, and yet i keep to myself. I recently just saw a video about Keith Green and how he sought for truth that would set him free and deliver the empty hole inside of his soul. well he finally found it and it was Jesus. after that his life was radically set after God and sharing His message.
Why cant us "christians" be like that? one of my biggest struggles alone is trying to find out what God has planned for ME, and its so rough. I feel like im surrounded by people who are self-serving, including myself. we are all in the rutt of laziness, and we dont want to do anything. CAN I CHANGE THE WORLD? sure i can, but since ive been a christian for so long, i lost my motivation it seems. i wish for a church world where people served all the time and were willing to lay down their lives for the poor and needy. God commands us to preach the gospel.
so why arent we doing it, and is there anyway to change?
I WANT TO GET RADICAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHH!
Thinking about how seclusive todays society and church has become. Where is there fire in the army of God? i really dont get myself and how i am saved, and yet i keep to myself. I recently just saw a video about Keith Green and how he sought for truth that would set him free and deliver the empty hole inside of his soul. well he finally found it and it was Jesus. after that his life was radically set after God and sharing His message.
Why cant us "christians" be like that? one of my biggest struggles alone is trying to find out what God has planned for ME, and its so rough. I feel like im surrounded by people who are self-serving, including myself. we are all in the rutt of laziness, and we dont want to do anything. CAN I CHANGE THE WORLD? sure i can, but since ive been a christian for so long, i lost my motivation it seems. i wish for a church world where people served all the time and were willing to lay down their lives for the poor and needy. God commands us to preach the gospel.
so why arent we doing it, and is there anyway to change?
I WANT TO GET RADICAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHH!
Thursday, June 25, 2009
grace.
June 15, 2009
Well,God gave me a job!!! the best job in the whole world and the one that i wanted the most! Victory hired me as assistant worship leader! wow, its so amazing! About a month ago, Mike told me he had a secret about me, but couldnt tell me anymore. Wow, that bugged me so much. I very much dislike it when people get me hanging like that. Now, i was pretty clueless at the time, and tried to think nothing of it. well at the time, i was also in need of a job since i had just graduated school and all. I figured working at the church would be a great environment for me to work in, so i asked pastor kenny if they were hiring for computer work. turns out they were! GOD MOVES, because thats what mike was talking about the whole time! so wow, they ended up hiring me for maintanence on tuesdays, and on thursdays and sundays for salary! Great stuff. God also has provided scholarships for me to go to school, with some pocket change on the side! so yeah! Even though my mom is about to deal with some serious chemo, im feeling pretty strong, but only because of Him.i dont want to brag, but my life is looking pretty good right now. God has just blessed me with so many good things in my life. Great family, a home, tons and tons of free food, a job at my church, and them PAYING me to sing, great and may i say, amazing boyfriend, who is godly and strives to serve Him and put Him first above everything, payed tuition, great family and friends in church who support me and lift me up in my struggles, there is just so much. my life is great...THANK YOU GOD!
Well,God gave me a job!!! the best job in the whole world and the one that i wanted the most! Victory hired me as assistant worship leader! wow, its so amazing! About a month ago, Mike told me he had a secret about me, but couldnt tell me anymore. Wow, that bugged me so much. I very much dislike it when people get me hanging like that. Now, i was pretty clueless at the time, and tried to think nothing of it. well at the time, i was also in need of a job since i had just graduated school and all. I figured working at the church would be a great environment for me to work in, so i asked pastor kenny if they were hiring for computer work. turns out they were! GOD MOVES, because thats what mike was talking about the whole time! so wow, they ended up hiring me for maintanence on tuesdays, and on thursdays and sundays for salary! Great stuff. God also has provided scholarships for me to go to school, with some pocket change on the side! so yeah! Even though my mom is about to deal with some serious chemo, im feeling pretty strong, but only because of Him.i dont want to brag, but my life is looking pretty good right now. God has just blessed me with so many good things in my life. Great family, a home, tons and tons of free food, a job at my church, and them PAYING me to sing, great and may i say, amazing boyfriend, who is godly and strives to serve Him and put Him first above everything, payed tuition, great family and friends in church who support me and lift me up in my struggles, there is just so much. my life is great...THANK YOU GOD!
to justify
May 8th , 2009
Hm...im sitting here, thinking about life and how good God is. Theres too much to put in words, but im in awe of His wonderful grace and mercy. Numerous and countless times has He blessed me and filled me up when i needed Him the most. He is so faithful and a great Father.Church was good tonight, especially the worship, i got really intimate with the Lord and it just felt great to put all of my burdens at His feet. Ive been stressed about life lately, and its stupid because i just got out of highschool and thats the least thing i want to do right now. i just want to relax, but it just feels like theres so much to think about and get straight. like getting a job..yea that should be fun. i dont want to , but thats part of life. i pray that God will help me in that situation and that i will ok during school. it seems life would be difficult, but i kno God is going to work it out. He sees my heart and everything is tieing in together.i got asked to lead worship for an event on the 26th of may. im really stoked about this because i really truely feel this is what God has called me to do. God has put a passion in my heart to lead the generation into worship and His holy annoited presence. Its really amazing how God works in complete strangers like He did is this woman that called me. It just so amazed! wow!
Hm...im sitting here, thinking about life and how good God is. Theres too much to put in words, but im in awe of His wonderful grace and mercy. Numerous and countless times has He blessed me and filled me up when i needed Him the most. He is so faithful and a great Father.Church was good tonight, especially the worship, i got really intimate with the Lord and it just felt great to put all of my burdens at His feet. Ive been stressed about life lately, and its stupid because i just got out of highschool and thats the least thing i want to do right now. i just want to relax, but it just feels like theres so much to think about and get straight. like getting a job..yea that should be fun. i dont want to , but thats part of life. i pray that God will help me in that situation and that i will ok during school. it seems life would be difficult, but i kno God is going to work it out. He sees my heart and everything is tieing in together.i got asked to lead worship for an event on the 26th of may. im really stoked about this because i really truely feel this is what God has called me to do. God has put a passion in my heart to lead the generation into worship and His holy annoited presence. Its really amazing how God works in complete strangers like He did is this woman that called me. It just so amazed! wow!
Time flys...
April 21, 2009
Yup,The BIG DAY is May 19th. I finally graduate from high school at Central!!! Im so excited, i cant even believe its about to happen in less than a month! Im really excited about the Things of God, and to see what He has planned in my life. Thus far, its been an exciting, unforgettable journey, and as i close this chapter in my life, i will begin a new one. one word, College. Hah, yeah. Im going to Southeastern, and I just decided to change my major to vocal performance. For a long time, i had an identity crisis and just couldnt figure it out. But God really opened my eyes to know who i am in Him. It makes sense that I would study music, because i have been so involved in it my whole life, and its single most passion that God has placed in my life. Ive had many annoited people of God tell me that He wanted to use me by singing, but didnt quite believe it for a long time. I hope im not sounded boastful or anything. I just want to be the best at whatever God puts me through, and i believe no matter what, i shall find His will, and I shall glorify Him in everyway. If singing and music is the way, then so be it. I would like to start a band in the future. Im still playing guitar and writing music...but unfortunaly, not all of the music is finished. i have writers block a lot. but i plan to focus a lot of music this summer when everything is not so stressful and hopefully get a demo cd out soon.
Yup,The BIG DAY is May 19th. I finally graduate from high school at Central!!! Im so excited, i cant even believe its about to happen in less than a month! Im really excited about the Things of God, and to see what He has planned in my life. Thus far, its been an exciting, unforgettable journey, and as i close this chapter in my life, i will begin a new one. one word, College. Hah, yeah. Im going to Southeastern, and I just decided to change my major to vocal performance. For a long time, i had an identity crisis and just couldnt figure it out. But God really opened my eyes to know who i am in Him. It makes sense that I would study music, because i have been so involved in it my whole life, and its single most passion that God has placed in my life. Ive had many annoited people of God tell me that He wanted to use me by singing, but didnt quite believe it for a long time. I hope im not sounded boastful or anything. I just want to be the best at whatever God puts me through, and i believe no matter what, i shall find His will, and I shall glorify Him in everyway. If singing and music is the way, then so be it. I would like to start a band in the future. Im still playing guitar and writing music...but unfortunaly, not all of the music is finished. i have writers block a lot. but i plan to focus a lot of music this summer when everything is not so stressful and hopefully get a demo cd out soon.
it shall come to pass
March 29th, 2009
Yeah, I am using my GRADUATION present right now! (my Toshiba Laptop), it is soo nice. I love it! Life has been really good lately! .Another thing has been on my mind after my dad had called. I have once again faced pain in the eye and swallowed it once again that a man would do. I just push the hurt away and get along with it. I feel bad for him because he doesnt realize he is doing it, otherwise id say something. he pretty much talked the entire 40 minute conversation, and i really didnt get much input, he really really likes to talk a lot.but he doesnt realize that for once he needs to kind of allow me to be apart of it. i barely listened to anything he said...he just kept talking and talking.But he told me that in 2001, after the terrorist attack on the twin towers, he heard a sermon once challenging them to write down what they thought the future would look like, He said he wrote and prayed that his family would be singing throughout the land for the glory of Jesus.Now here is the wicked part.One day, i dont remember the day or date, i read the scripture in habakkuk
2 2 Then the LORD answered me and said: “ Write the vision And make it plain on tablets, That he may run who reads it. 3 For the vision is yet for an appointed time; But at the end it will speak, and it will not lie. Though it tarries, wait for it; Because it will surely come, It will not tarry.
so i was thinking wow, i will definately do this. and you know what i wrote down? that i would sing with my family for thousands of people bringing them into worship bringing Glory to His name.now the sad part is, i cant find this piece of paper, but i think the Lord did it on purpose so it will be more of a revelation to me when i see it and it comes to pass. but the point is , i really dont believe too much of what my dad says, but i thought that was really weird...but awesome.
Yeah, I am using my GRADUATION present right now! (my Toshiba Laptop), it is soo nice. I love it! Life has been really good lately! .Another thing has been on my mind after my dad had called. I have once again faced pain in the eye and swallowed it once again that a man would do. I just push the hurt away and get along with it. I feel bad for him because he doesnt realize he is doing it, otherwise id say something. he pretty much talked the entire 40 minute conversation, and i really didnt get much input, he really really likes to talk a lot.but he doesnt realize that for once he needs to kind of allow me to be apart of it. i barely listened to anything he said...he just kept talking and talking.But he told me that in 2001, after the terrorist attack on the twin towers, he heard a sermon once challenging them to write down what they thought the future would look like, He said he wrote and prayed that his family would be singing throughout the land for the glory of Jesus.Now here is the wicked part.One day, i dont remember the day or date, i read the scripture in habakkuk
2 2 Then the LORD answered me and said: “ Write the vision And make it plain on tablets, That he may run who reads it. 3 For the vision is yet for an appointed time; But at the end it will speak, and it will not lie. Though it tarries, wait for it; Because it will surely come, It will not tarry.
so i was thinking wow, i will definately do this. and you know what i wrote down? that i would sing with my family for thousands of people bringing them into worship bringing Glory to His name.now the sad part is, i cant find this piece of paper, but i think the Lord did it on purpose so it will be more of a revelation to me when i see it and it comes to pass. but the point is , i really dont believe too much of what my dad says, but i thought that was really weird...but awesome.
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